Category: High Velue Men

Welcome to the Journeyman’s masterclass. The answer is not in a new pickup line or a better texting strategy. The secret to how to make girls chase you lies in a powerful, primal principle: Pre-selection. A woman’s desire for you increases exponentially when she sees that other attractive women already desire you.

You’ve graduated from the basics. You’re not the needy “Nice Guy” anymore. You can approach, you can get numbers, you can go on dates. But you’re still doing most of the work. You’re the one pursuing, planning, and pushing the interaction forward. You’re looking for the next level – the secret to flipping the script and making high-quality women actively compete for your attention.

This is not a theory. This is The ‘Social Proof’ Protocol, a systematic guide to demonstrating your value, not by talking about it, but by making it visible for all to see.

Watch Cary Grant in An Affair To Remember to see how to make girls chase you – directly from the master.

The Diagnosis: You’re Still Operating as a “Lone Wolf”

Most men approach dating as a series of one-on-one “hunts.” They isolate a target and focus all their energy on her. This is a high-effort, low-efficiency strategy that broadcasts one thing: “You are my only option right now.” It puts immense pressure on the interaction and kills all natural intrigue.

The high-value man, the Gentleman, operates as a Pack Leader. He is the center of a positive, engaging social circle. He is not hunting; he is presiding over his domain. Women are drawn into his orbit, not targeted by his focus. As Doc Love taught, “kitty kats compete.” Your job is not to chase one cat; it’s to be the man with the best catnip that all the cats want – that’s how to make girls chase you – you make them curious.

The Action Plan: The ‘Social Proof’ Protocol

This is not about building a “harem” or being a player. This is about creating a social life so vibrant and compelling that you become a magnet for attraction.

Phase 1: The ‘Showrunner’ Mandate (Build Your Stage)

Action: Become the Host. Stop waiting for invitations. Your new mission is to be the source of the fun. Once a month, you will host a low-key, high-value social event: a cocktail night at your place, a curated group dinner at a cool new restaurant, a weekend hike.

Action: The “Plus One” Rule. When you invite people, you tell every woman you invite, “Feel free to bring a fun friend.” You are actively encouraging the expansion of your social network with attractive women.

Purpose: You are no longer just a guest in the social world; you are the showrunner. You own the stage. This is a massive demonstration of the King archetype.

Phase 2: The ‘Cary Grant’ Performance (Master the Room)

Action: The 25/75 Rule. At your own event, you will spend only 25% of your time with the one woman you are most interested in, and 75% of your time being a charming, engaging host to everyone else.

Action: The ‘Lighthouse’ Technique. You are not a spotlight, focused on one person. You are a lighthouse. You distribute your light and attention to everyone in the room—men and women. You make everyone feel seen and valued. You tell jokes, you make introductions, you ensure everyone is having a good time.

Make them laugh, learn to use amused mastery and playful banter.

Purpose: The woman you are interested in now sees you not as a suitor trying to impress her, but as the high-status man who is the center of this entire social reality. Her desire for your focused attention will skyrocket because she has to compete for it. This is Challenge in its most powerful form.

Phase 3: The ‘One-on-One’ Close (The Private Audience)

Action: After she has seen you in your high-value element, your one-on-one dates become infinitely more potent. She is no longer interviewing a candidate; she is having a private audience with the man everyone wants to be around.

The Frame: Your frame on these dates is now, “I’ve shown you my world. Now, show me why you deserve a permanent place in it.” You shift from attraction-creation to deep screening using the Attitude Matrix.

Conclusion: Stop Chasing. Start Attracting.

The question “how to make girls chase you” is answered not by what you say to one woman, but by the world you build around yourself. A man who is the center of a vibrant social circle, desired and respected by many, becomes a prize of immense value.

Stop playing the one-on-one game of the Lone Wolf. Start playing the macro-game of the Pack Leader. Build your stage, put on a great show, and watch as the audience competes for a front-row seat.

Remember, guys: Don’t chase butterflies. Build a garden, and the butterflies will come to you.

Your Personal Social Architect – How To Make Girls Chase You

Building a social circle from scratch can feel daunting. How do you find the right people? How do you host an event that isn’t awkward? How do you manage the social dynamics once you’re in the center of them?

The ARDA app is your personal social architect.

• Get a step-by-step guide to planning your first “Showrunner” event.
• Receive specific “Cary Grant” banter lines and conversation starters to use as a host.
• Analyze the dynamics of your current social circle to identify your allies and potential saboteurs.
• Stop waiting for an invitation to the party. Use ARDA to learn how to become the party.

You landed in a relationship and the initial excitement juuust settled into a routine, and you’re starting to ask yourself: how to lead in a relationship?

Most men fail this test. They either become passive co-pilots, constantly asking “What do you want to do?”, or they become overbearing tyrants, barking orders. Both are losing strategies that lead to resentment and a loss of attraction.

This article is your captain’s manual. It is a strategic guide for the man who is ready to evolve from a successful suitor to a respected leader. We will diagnose the three most common leadership failures and then give you The Captain’s Protocol – a four-part framework for confidently navigating your relationship toward a thriving, long-term destination.

The Diagnosis: Three Failed Leadership Models

Before you can learn how to lead in a relationship effectively, you must recognize the failed models you’ve been taught to emulate.

The Passive Co-Pilot (The Wimp): You’re so afraid of being a “dictator” that you’ve abdicated all decision-making. You’ve made her the captain, a role she subconsciously resents because it forces her into a masculine frame. Your constant need for her direction is a sign of weakness, not collaboration.

The Tyrannical Captain (The Macho Boy): You mistake leadership for domination. You make unilateral decisions, ignore her counsel, and believe compromise is a sign of weakness. You are ruling through force, not influence, and breeding a mutiny of resentment.

The Retired Admiral (The Complacent Partner): You’ve decided the “voyage” is over. You’ve gotten comfortable. You’ve stopped planning dates, stopped being a Challenge, and stopped leading the fun. You’ve become a boring, predictable utility, and her attraction is dying of familiarity.

The Solution: The ‘Captain’s Protocol’ – The Four Pillars of Masculine Leadership

A great captain doesn’t just steer the ship; he creates an environment where his crew feels safe, inspired, and excited for the journey. This is how to lead in a relationship with strength and grace.

Pillar 1: Chart the Course (Set the Vision).

A ship without a destination is just a floating prison. A leader has a plan. This is about taking the helm on the “boring” but crucial conversations: finances, long-term goals, and life logistics. You are the architect of your shared future. This doesn’t mean you ignore her input; it means you are the one responsible for ensuring the conversation happens and a course is set.

Pillar 2: Be the Calm Harbor (Maintain Your Frame)

In the inevitable storms of life and her emotions, you are the unshakeable rock. Your emotional control (Self-Control) is the source of her security. When she is chaos, you are order. A key part of learning how to lead in a relationship is mastering your own emotional state so you can be a stable anchor for hers.

Pillar 3: Listen to Your First Mate (The Benevolent Command)

A wise captain listens to his council. You must genuinely seek and value her opinion as your most trusted advisor. However, the final decision – and the ultimate responsibility for its outcome – rests with you. The process is: you lead the discussion, you listen to her perspective, you make the final call. This demonstrates both respect for her and confidence in your own judgment.

Pillar 4: Never Stop Exploring (The Anti-Complacency Mandate)

The journey is the destination. A great captain knows the voyage is never truly “over.” This is the Maintenance Program framed as leadership. You are responsible for leading the romance, the fun, and the adventure. You are the Chief Exploration Officer of your relationship. You must continue to plan dates and create new experiences. This is how you prevent the slow death of complacency.

Conclusion: From Suitor to Captain

The question of how to lead in a relationship is not about control; it’s about responsibility. It’s about embodying the stable, directional, and adventurous masculine energy that makes a woman feel safe, cherished, and excited to be on your journey.

By charting the course, being the calm harbor, listening to your first mate, and never stopping the exploration, you move beyond being just her “boyfriend” or “husband.” You become her captain.

Remember, guys: A high-value woman (she’s part of the crew, not part of the cargo) doesn’t want a co-pilot. She wants a captain she can trust to navigate the storm.

Your Personal Navigation Chart

Leading is a lonely job. Every decision has consequences, and every situation has nuance. Sometimes, even the best captains get caught in a fog and need a reliable chart to find their bearings.

The ARDA app is your confidential navigation tool.

• Run a difficult decision by ARDA for a frame check before you make the final call.
• Deconstruct a recent argument to see where you lost your “calm harbor.”
• Brainstorm a new “exploration”—a creative date idea to reignite the romance.

Your life is in order, you understand the basics of attraction, and you have options. Now you face a task that will define your future: how to vet a woman for a long-term partnership. You’re in a good place.

This is no longer about getting a second date; it’s about making a decision that could impact the next 40 years of your life. A single mistake here can cost you your peace, your sanity, and half of everything you’ve built.

This is not about a “feeling.” It is about a process, and it’s not your typical advice. This is The Gentleman’s ‘Due Diligence’ Protocol, a systematic, business-like approach to the most important “acquisition” you will ever make. This guide will teach you how to vet a woman with the clinical precision of a CEO.

The Mindset: You Are the Selector, Not the Suitor

Before you can properly vet a woman, you must master your own frame. The biggest mistake a man makes when he finds a promising candidate is dropping his “game” and shifting into “audition mode.” He stops being a Challenge and starts trying to “lock her down.” This is a fatal error that invalidates the entire vetting process.

As our mentors teach, “It doesn’t matter whether it’s the first date or the 47th wedding anniversary, the principles still apply.” The 60-90 day “due diligence” period is the most advanced level of the game, not a vacation from it. You must continue to be the prize, the selector, the Gentleman.

This means you are actively practicing three core behaviors throughout your evaluation:

• Maintain the Truth Triangle: Your Confidence, Self-Control, and Challenge do not waver. You still control the pace (one date a week), you still maintain mystery, and your own mission remains your priority. You are a busy, important man who is making time to see if she fits into his life.
• Practice Advanced Frame Control: Use her inevitable “tests” as opportunities to practice Amused Mastery. When she pushes a boundary or creates minor drama, your calm, playful response is both a demonstration of your strength and a data point on her behavior.
• Lead with Banter and Humor: The vetting process must never feel like an interrogation to her. Your interactions must remain fun, light, and engaging. You are a Gentleman on a delightful date, who just happens to be a forensic love cop collecting crucial intelligence.

The Due Diligence Checklist: Auditing Her Attitude

A beautiful “company” with a toxic internal culture is a catastrophic investment. Your primary task in how to vet a woman is to audit her character. Use the Attitude Matrix as your clinical checklist. You are looking for consistent, observable, behavioral evidence of these three non-negotiable assets.

1. Asset Class: INTEGRITY (The Foundation of Trust)

• What to Look For: Does her word match her actions? Is she honest even when it’s difficult? Does she demonstrate loyalty to your budding connection by respecting its boundaries?
• The Red Flag Audit: Watch for a pattern of “white lies,” chronic flakiness, or inappropriately intimate “friendships” with other men, especially exes. A lack of Integrity is a non-recoverable defect.

2. Asset Class: GIVING (The Spirit of Partnership)

• What to Look For: Is she a teammate? Does she actively look for ways to contribute to your shared experience (e.g., offers to grab the next round of coffee, plans a thoughtful activity)? Does she show genuine enthusiasm for your mission and successes?
• The Red Flag Audit: Watch for the “Taker” or Mercenary mindset. Is the conversation consistently steered toward what you can do for her? Does she have a palpable sense of entitlement?

3. Asset Class: FLEXIBILITY (The Antidote to Drama)

• What to Look For: Is she easygoing and adaptable? Can she handle a minor change of plans with humor and grace? Does she approach disagreements as a teammate looking for a solution?
• The Red Flag Audit: Watch for signs of rigidity (“my way or the highway”), a tendency to create drama out of minor issues, and the ultimate deal-killer: nagging. An inflexible woman will turn your kingdom into a courtroom.

The Stress Test: How to Vet a Woman Under Pressure

Any candidate can perform well under ideal conditions. A true understanding of character comes from observing behavior when things aren’t perfect. A core component of how to vet a woman is to see her in action during minor, controlled “stress tests.” These are not manipulative games; they are naturally occurring opportunities to gather invaluable data.

1. The ‘Adversity Test’:

• The Protocol: Life will inevitably provide these tests for you. A restaurant loses your reservation. You get stuck in traffic and are late. You have a genuinely stressful day at work and are not your usual charming self. Do not hide these imperfections; use them as a diagnostic tool.
• The Data: Observe her response. Does she become a supportive teammate, helping find a solution and lifting your spirits (“Don’t worry, we’ll find another place! It’ll be an adventure.”)? Or does she become another source of stress by complaining, blaming, or becoming sullen? As our mentor Uncle Pat would say, you are discovering if she is “part of the crew, or part of the cargo.”

2. The ‘Boundary Test’:

• The Protocol: Early in the dating phase, you must set and calmly hold a minor, reasonable boundary. For example, if she is consistently 15 minutes late, you state your standard: “Hey, I really enjoy our time together, but my one rule is punctuality. Let’s make sure we’re on time for each other going forward.”
• The Data: Her reaction is a direct window into her Flexibility, whether she got her life in order, and respect for your frame. Does she apologize and correct the behavior? Or does she get defensive and label you as “controlling”? Her response to a small boundary now predicts how she will treat your major boundaries later.

3. The ‘Field Guide’ Cross-Reference:

• The Protocol: As you gather data, you must be constantly cross-referencing her behavior against our A Gentleman’s Field Guide: The 7 Female Archetypes That Will Destroy Your Life. This is a critical step in how to vet a woman effectively.
• The Data: Is her “passion” actually the chaos of a Drama Addict? Are her “high standards” the entitlement of an Insecure Princess? Naming the pattern protects you from being seduced by its symptoms.

The Negotiation Gates: How to Vet a Woman at Each Stage of Commitment

Vetting is not a one-time event; it is a phased process with increasing levels of scrutiny. As the investment grows, so does the intensity of the due diligence. There are two critical “gates” you will lead her through, each with its own set of negotiations.

Gate 1: The Exclusivity Gate (The ‘Series A’ Investment)

• Timing: This occurs after 10-12 successful dates (approx. 60-90 days).
• The Trigger: This gate is ALWAYS initiated by her. She will ask, “Where is this going?” or “What are we?” Her initiating this conversation is the final test of the dating phase, proving her high Interest Level and desire for commitment. If you have to ask, you’ve already lost.
• Your Role: You are not a supplicant, grateful for her interest. You are the CEO considering a major operational merger. Your job is to calmly acknowledge her “application” and then clearly state your terms for this “Series A” round of investment. This is the moment you address all the minor red flags and behavioral inconsistencies you observed during the due diligence phase.
• The Core Question You’re Answering: “Is she a suitable candidate for a committed, exclusive partnership?”
• The Gentleman’s Script:“I’m enjoying our time together immensely, and I’m glad you brought this up. For me, an exclusive relationship means we’re a team, and that comes with a higher standard of conduct. That means things like [INSERT YOUR SPECIFIC OBSERVATIONS HERE] need to be handled. For example:
  • “…any lingering emotional connections with exes, like keeping them on social media, need to be completely severed. My partner’s focus is on our future, not her past.”
  • “…those ‘guy friends’ who are clearly orbiters need to be transitioned out. I require a partner who respects the boundaries of our commitment.”
  • “…the chronic lateness needs to become a thing of the past. Punctuality is a sign of mutual respect.”
  If you’re ready to commit to that level of partnership, then I am too.”
• The Data: Her response is everything. An enthusiastic “yes” and a subsequent change in her behavior is a massive green light. Any defensiveness, negotiation (“But they’re just friends!”), or failure to change her behavior is a terminal red flag. The deal is off. You have just saved yourself from a bad long-term investment. This is how to vet a woman.

Gate 2: The Marriage Gate (The ‘IPO’ Decision)

• Timing: This occurs after a significant period of stable, happy, exclusive partnership (typically 1-2 years).
• The Trigger: Like the first gate, this one is ALWAYS driven by her. Her 95%+ Interest Level will manifest as a clear, consistent desire for marriage. She will talk about weddings, rings, and a future family. Her desire for marriage is the ultimate buy-in signal.
• Your Role: You are now the Chairman of the Board, contemplating taking the company public. The initial investment has paid off, but this final step is irreversible and has permanent consequences. Before you create the romantic proposal, you must conduct the final, most rigorous round of due diligence: The Pre-Nuptial Stress Test.
• The Core Question You’re Answering: “Is she a viable partner for a 40-year mission?”
• The Gentleman’s Due Diligence (The Final Interview Questions):You initiate a series of calm, strategic, “what if” conversations about the biggest marriage-killers.
  • The Money Test: “Let’s talk about our financial future as a married team. What’s your philosophy on debt? How do we handle major purchases? Joint accounts or separate?”
  • The Children Test: “What’s our plan for kids? If yes, when? How do we handle discipline? What are our non-negotiable values to instill in them?”
  • The In-Law Test: “How are we going to manage holidays and family obligations to make sure ‘we’ as a unit always come first?”
  • The ‘Contingency’ Test: “What is our shared vision for health and fitness, especially after kids are born? How do we commit to staying attractive for each other for the long haul?”
• The Data: Can you have these conversations as a calm, logical, unified team? Or do they expose fundamental, irreconcilable differences in your core values? This is the final and most important step in how to vet a woman for life. Only after she passes this test do you plan the proposal.

Conclusion: You Don’t Find a Great Lady, You Vet One

A Wimp falls in love with a feeling and hopes for the best. A Gentleman chooses a partner based on data, gathered through a systematic and phased process. The ‘Due Diligence’ Protocol is your system for moving a candidate from a promising prospect to a fully-vetted partner, ensuring you are making a wise investment at every stage.

This process – this art of how to vet a woman – is the most critical skill a successful man can master. Do not abdicate this responsibility to chance or chemistry. Be deliberate. Be strategic. Be the selector.

Remember, guys: Attraction gets her through the first gate. Attitude and alignment get her through the last one. Do your due diligence at both.

Your Confidential Due Diligence Advisor

This is the universal checklist, but every “deal” has unique variables and subtle red flags. Your own high Interest Level can create massive blind spots, causing you to rationalize away the very data you need to see.

Use the ARDA app as your confidential advisor in this process.

• Describe her confusing behavior at the Exclusivity Gate.
• Analyze her responses during the Pre-Nuptial Stress Test.
• Get an objective analysis of red flags you might be emotionally overlooking.